Redefining Output

Redefining Output

Getting clarity on our contributions, and how we’re all like sponges.

Dear Sponges, (...stay with me..) I’m not the first to say this is a bizarre time.  A time of change, adjustments, disappointments, pivots, decision making, and lots of content bingeing for better or worse….  There's more space to allow information in, and being faced to decide  where does it go from there?

Pre-pandemic, I often felt like a servant to my schedule. A typical day required me to be running around and actively engaged with people outside my own home from 7 am-9pm, often 6 or 7 days a week.  I was exhausted all the time, but if I was a sponge, I was wringing out all day everyday. 

Output for me used to look like a long and constant daily stream of contributions. At one job, I was helping families with their child care and helping kids express themselves and feel heard. At another job I was planning and running kids birthdays and creating joyful memories for families, helping customers get involved with  programs that promote health and self improvement, creating curriculums, and improving their reach and  impact. As an actor I’d offer skills, knowledge, and interpretation in collaboration with other artists to tell meaningful stories; sometimes in the form of a 2 minute audition, a 10 minute callback, or a several week long run of performances. 

No matter the season, I interacted with people all... day... long; constantly conversing, collaborating, and often instantly seeing how my thoughts, words, and actions impacted the people I engaged with, and feedback ranged from a tiny smile, a kid’s laugh, a heartfelt “thank you,” a job offer, or literal applause. 

Obviously, life looks so different now for many of us now. Personally,  I don’t have either of my jobs anymore and the theatre world shut down leaving me and other super ambitious, talented, skilled, and  eager folks unsure of what to strive for next.  

I’m grieving these changes, but I  still consider myself one of the lucky ones: I live with people I love, I have outdoor space, I have unemployment money as a small buffer for a while, my friends and family are generally accessible and healthy,  I haven’t gone stir crazy at home (yet),  and  I’m an expert at keeping myself busy!  

And as long as we’re looking at bright-sides, for the first time in a whiiiiiile, I’ve had freedom to choose how to spend that time. I’m reading, taking class, listening to kajillions of podcasts, learning new hobbies, journaling and self reflection...lots of...input.  

Releasing my schedule  (*having it pried out of my hands*)  made me realize that I was using it as a shield or a wall that protected me from my own insecurities and emotions. Too often, I was wringing out dirty water from a damp-at-best sponge. Having a forced moment to muse myself in a metaphorical mirror, I’ve found, amongst other things,  I’m having a particularly hard time adjusting to  “lack of noticeable output”. 

After a few months of what felt like only “input”,   Sponge Beth felt weighed down by the water I was taking in without a bucket to wring out into. Not that there are no buckets...I just don’t know the best place to put my efforts. My goals felt empty for the first time in...my life… ?

Then, with a nudge from my coach and friend Jen Waldman, I was reminded that just because our output may  look different now, doesn’t mean we don’t have any....So now perhaps we have to redefine “output.”

We all want to be proud of our legacy and feel like we’re doing something meaningful. So much of our culture values product, production and productivity. Does producing output have requirements?  Does it have to have a sweeping or easily measurable impact to qualify?  Does it only count if it’s the product of immense labor and vulnerability?

Today, I think output is  anything (truly anything) that comes from you: action, thought, words, conversation, energy, effort... Any of this has a potential for contribution, and I believe inevitable impact:

A journal entry may feel like something that’s only for you, but it might help you process your feelings, making you more available to people you care about;  or your discovery may help a friend who is going through something similar. ● A routine phone call to someone you care about will leave them feeling heard and loved in a moment of loneliness.  ● A silly dance in the kitchen with your roommate, will contribute laughter into their life, and a memory they can return to at a later date. ●  Trying a new recipe will promote creativity, health, or just put something especially delicious into the world (even if it’s then enjoyed by you..).  ● Watering a plant is giving something life!  ● Taking a fitness class on YouTube will boost the number of views on the creator and helping their career out in a small way.  ● Being a not-asshole may boost the spirits of your grocery store cashier for the next 20 min of their shift.  ● Every Netflix show you binge, or online purchase you make contributes to the success of that show or business (...that being said, watch and purchase mindfully…) ● If you apply to a job, you’re contributing to that company’s potential success even if you don’t get hired.   ● If you read a book in the park, you might inspire a passer-by to take a moment of peace for themselves. ● If you go for a hike, every step you take re-affirms and clarifies the path for someone behind you….hell, every exhale you take contributes Co2 into the air! (But also, like...possibly Covid, so wear a mask!! That’s a contribution too!) And like every inhale inspires and exhales, input inspires output. 

Almost nothing you do impacts only you! Even in the walls of your own home, just about nothing exists in a vacuum. We’re all sponges balancing what we bring in and what we pour out. You may be feeling out of balance, but even if you don’t realize it, you’re using your input. Water doesn’t stay in a sponge forever. We have thousands of buckets we can drip or pour into even (especially?) from our homes.

For those of us who have a little time on our hands, or feel a little lost, go ahead and refill. Soak up some good water (some TV, movies, podcasts, good books, sunshine, meditation, hobbies, classes, adventure) and trust you’re also pouring yourself out in everything you do, even if it’s just a little, and even if you don’t see where the drops land. 

I hope now, we have the opportunity to be aware of the buckets we contribute to.  Everything you consume is a vote in support of that thing...so maybe we check when we’re pouring into racist/classist/sexist/environment-destroying buckets...  ALSO, we have the option to be  intentional about adding more to the buckets we care about! While I was spending time anxiously trying to figure out my next hopefully-high-impact move, I was missing out on precious moments with people who have already had massiveimpacts on my life, thanks to the cumulative effect of millions of tiny precious moments (drips) with them. Get clear on whom you want to impact. Chances are, they don’t need you to be known or appreciated by tons of people.  They just need you to be you. To quote Oprah* “The best gift you can give the world is to live your best life.” 

Dear Sponges, drink up.  You’re allowed. Absorb lots of good clean water. Wring out generously and intentionally when and where you’re able. If you’re identifying buckets right now that’s okay!  Little drips along the path will do just fine for now- maybe a flower will grow in the sidewalk. 

Please know, each bit of water you soak in or drip out, every action you take,  breath you breathe in and breathe out matters.

This post was inspired by: Jen Waldman, Sam Paley and the participants of “Shift” June 2020; Tom DeMichele, Atomic Habits by James Clear, Oprah and more I’m probably not even aware of. 

*I think Oprah was quoting someone when I heard her say this, but I can’t for the life of me find proper credit. If you know who said this first, please correct me!