Struggling with your New Year’s Resolution?
Happy mid-to-late January!
If you’re someone who set a New Year’s Resolution and is either struggling to stick with it…or you’ve given it up completely…
that does NOT mean that you as a person….suck! Hooray!!
Some of you could probably stop reading now cuz that’s all you needed to hear to move forward with a weight lifted from your shoulders.
But if you’re like, okay, yes, thank you. But I would still like to stick to my resolution, then keep reading….
While it does NOT mean you suck…it may mean a few other things:
You started too big:
You went from 0 to 60 overnight. You got excited but then asked too much of yourself too soon. The existing patterns of your everyday life couldn’t part ways to make room for this new change.
In this case you should….
Shrink it!!
Think small…now think even smaller. What’s the version you could still do on your absolute busiest day? You’ll start to pave the way for this new habit/practice and once that small version feels easy peasy, you can scale up. …(or not!! I have plenty of practices I only spend 5-10 min on a day). To quote James Clear: “Standardize before your Optimize” and Gretchen Rubin “Don’t get it perfect, get it going.”
2. You set an intention, not a resolution.
It may be a lovely sentiment like “be more honest,” or “embrace the moment.” We LOVE intentions!! However, they may not be specific enough to disrupt your current thought or behavior patterns.
In this case you should…
Try to add a cue and an action:
Think of the moments in life you’d like to apply this change. If the intention is to “be more honest,” ask yourself “When specifically?” or “What cues does my body give me when I’m feeling dishonest?”
Maybe the resolution is an if/then statement. Something like: “If my boss asks me if I can meet this deadline, then I say: ‘Let me double check my calendar and let you know in one hour.”
or “If I get that feeling in my belly, then I’ll take a deep breath and think about my next words.”
If your intention is to “embrace the moment” maybe the resolution is: “When I walk to/from the train, I’ll look up and take in my surroundings.” or “After I send an email, I’ll close my eyes for 1 min and count my breaths.”
3. You don’t actually care that much about the resolution….or…it’s near impossible given the circumstances of your life.
You set your resolution in post-holiday bliss filled with wine, sugar, and cheese, and sitting by a cozy fire. It’s a change you can see yourself making in a perfect world. But in the circumstances of your everyday life, the change just doesn’t fit right now.
Maybe you’d like to go scuba diving 3x a week but you’re an hour's drive from scuba access, and you work 11 hours 5 days a week.
OR you decided to do CrossFit, but after a few classes, you learned you literally hate it and haven’t gone back. Maybe you realized while staying fit and healthy matters to you, being absolutely shredded doesn’t. Or at least it doesn’t matter more than the things you’re already (or could be) devoting your time to:
Either way…it’s okayyyy!! And you should…
Make it smaller (see 1),
Make it less (grab your scuba gear the first Saturday of the month),
or ditch it completely and pick something that you feel matters to you even when life is at its busiest!
Also, maybe there’s a season in your year that is NOT as demanding on your time. Maybe you can scuba 3x a week in the summer. Resolutions don’t only have to happen in January!
In all cases, the first step is to cut yourself some slack.
To even want to attempt to make a change is difficult and admirable. Behavior change takes a ton of brain space. And habit-building is a skill that can be learned, improved, and practiced.
There’s nothing wrong with iterating upon (or completely ditching) your New Year’s resolution. Especially if you are living according to your values, and being good to yourself and to the people in your life.