When the Only Way Forward is Back.

This post is for anyone trying to get better at something they care about…. (raises hand). 

Here’s a hard truth:

Sometimes…before we can be better at the thing,  we must let ourselves be worse at it first.

…And it SUCKS

If you can’t tell this is where I am in my progress journey right now.

My story with this right now:

So I’ve been struggling with a particular part of my singing voice for…. A loooong time.  

I’ve felt like I’ve been running into the same wall over and over again.

I’ve found tools, techniques, and “quick fixes”  that help here and there,  and sometimes I get lucky and my voice behaves itself. 

But it has felt inconsistent and unreliable. 

I knew I needed to (finally) do something besides just “tweaking” and crossing my fingers as I sprint at the wall yet again. 

Turns out, with each wall-run, I was laying down habits that didn’t serve me in the long run. They only served the way I was singing when I was running toward the wall.  

Now I think that with each sprint, I was actually reinforcing the wall with tape, glue, and staples?

Now, I’m working with a new technique that I believe is going to help truly level up…

which requires me to create a new motor skill,

…which requires me to undo some of my current motor skills.

……… which requires me to acknowledge what that stuff is 

…………… which requires me to explore what singing is like without it..

……………………..…And sometimes, that sounds like shit.

(Note to self: Does it sound like shit? Or is it just different than how I’m used to hearing myself…both? Stay tuned). 

I care about singing a lot…and it’s very hard to let myself sound like shit…even in the privacy of a practice room. 

But my unwillingness to sound like shit was the reason I stayed stuck in the same spot for so long.

Funny enough, this is some of my main work with my voice students:
To help them surrender to what’s happening with their voice in that moment. To explore stuff that may or may not work. To release the grip even if it feels unstable, even if we crack (cuz sometimes we crack into place).

So I feel a little fraudulent teaching them, when I feel such a lack of mastery in my own singing. 

Now, (even if they don’t know it), they are my accountability partners.
If I’m asking them to do it, I must be willing to do it myself. 

Don’t take it from me… (resources if this sounds like you).

Adam Grant talks about it in his book Hidden Potential and this episode  of “Hidden Brain.”
(He tells this awesome story about baseball player R.A Dickey around timestamp 8:40 )

Grant said, when we’re going up a mountain and hit a roadblock, and it’s clear that no amount of force is going to get us past the roadblock, 

the best (and only) way to move forward is to backtrack down the mountain and try a new path with the hope that the new path will take you to the top.

George Leonard author of Mastery illustrates progress like this:

I’m leveling up, and currently going back down the mountain. 

Does anyone care to join me? Let me know here…

I’ll bring the trail mix.